It is different, traveling with mother. She never told anyone what she did, not even Kii and me, but we knew she went everywhere, saw everything. She was always gone, even when we were young, sometimes for weeks at a stretch. I would have thought she’d be sick of traveling now, but she isn’t. She’s as… exuberant… as a new adventurer, even starting right from within Windurst.
After I told her yesterday I’d go with her, mother came way early this morning and banged on my door until I woke up. And then she barely let me prepare at all before dragging me off, something about hunting and foraging. And then she lugged me over to the stables, and instead of renting a chocobo, made me play their chocobo-herding game until I won her a balloon. A balloon. Of course, on the way out of town, there was another weirdo who wanted me to advertise some mercenary company in Aht Urhgan. How many of those are the—actually, it’s the same one, isn’t it. Well, anyway, mother insisted on doing that, too. And, surprise, surprise, we got some invitation card.
And then we walked. She took me to the place where they had goldfish scooping. It’s so different from when I was little. A little less scary, a little less glorious, but fun. I kind of want to know how they taste… But I traded in my goldfish for some mysterious package! And got… umm… glowflies. Is it really okay to just keep them in a cage like that? Mother said that when we were little, Kii and I liked to release them when it was dark. I can’t remember that…
We kept walking after that. Mother would always stop every once in a while to point things out: a special type of herb, a flower growing in a strange place, things that I thought were monsters going about their normal lives, almost like us. I never really noticed things like that. I wonder what mother was, is.
I think I talked more with mother in this one day than I had in years, and she didn’t even do anything annoying. We talked about the past a lot. Mine and Kii’s, I mean. She wouldn’t say anything about herself. I just realized today I really didn’t know much of anything about my own mother, but… she won’t tell me anything. She said I hated Kii when I was little. I definitely can’t remember that. I can’t remember a time at all when I didn’t love Kii with everything in my heart. But she felt more real like this. She wasn’t a goddess. She was just a girl. Just my sister.
But! That doesn’t mean she wasn’t everything to me!
Mother told me to look to the future, not to forget people who are still alive. I guess it’s good advice. It’s just much easier said than done. What future is there? I don’t have anyone left. Mother is just… mother. Of course she’d encourage me, but what was it worth? I don’t have Kii anymore. I don’t even have Jenare anymore, not that I ever had him to begin with, I guess. No one else will even realize if I disappear.
It’s selfish, these thoughts, mother told me.
And then she said she trusted me.
Tonight, we’re resting in Mhaura. On our way here, she helped me gather the rest of the items they requested to get that boat pass to Aht Urhgan. We saw a ship going there earlier today; not even mother had ever been there. It’s a new place to explore. She said to keep thinking thoughts like that. She said to watch the waves. She said to calm down.
So I’m calm. I’m watching the waves. I’m thinking about Aht Urhgan, and the interesting clothes those strange men wore, and the invitation cards, and their shiny badges. I’m thinking about the Sunbreeze Festival, and Mumor, and Uka, and goldfish, and games. I’m thinking about how I don’t want to be a ghost.
I’m thinking about all the spells I’ve learned, all the strength I’ve gained. I don’t want to look at my future. It’s depressing. But I don’t want everything to be a waste. I don’t want Kii’s dream to die.
After I told her yesterday I’d go with her, mother came way early this morning and banged on my door until I woke up. And then she barely let me prepare at all before dragging me off, something about hunting and foraging. And then she lugged me over to the stables, and instead of renting a chocobo, made me play their chocobo-herding game until I won her a balloon. A balloon. Of course, on the way out of town, there was another weirdo who wanted me to advertise some mercenary company in Aht Urhgan. How many of those are the—actually, it’s the same one, isn’t it. Well, anyway, mother insisted on doing that, too. And, surprise, surprise, we got some invitation card.
And then we walked. She took me to the place where they had goldfish scooping. It’s so different from when I was little. A little less scary, a little less glorious, but fun. I kind of want to know how they taste… But I traded in my goldfish for some mysterious package! And got… umm… glowflies. Is it really okay to just keep them in a cage like that? Mother said that when we were little, Kii and I liked to release them when it was dark. I can’t remember that…
We kept walking after that. Mother would always stop every once in a while to point things out: a special type of herb, a flower growing in a strange place, things that I thought were monsters going about their normal lives, almost like us. I never really noticed things like that. I wonder what mother was, is.
I think I talked more with mother in this one day than I had in years, and she didn’t even do anything annoying. We talked about the past a lot. Mine and Kii’s, I mean. She wouldn’t say anything about herself. I just realized today I really didn’t know much of anything about my own mother, but… she won’t tell me anything. She said I hated Kii when I was little. I definitely can’t remember that. I can’t remember a time at all when I didn’t love Kii with everything in my heart. But she felt more real like this. She wasn’t a goddess. She was just a girl. Just my sister.
But! That doesn’t mean she wasn’t everything to me!
Mother told me to look to the future, not to forget people who are still alive. I guess it’s good advice. It’s just much easier said than done. What future is there? I don’t have anyone left. Mother is just… mother. Of course she’d encourage me, but what was it worth? I don’t have Kii anymore. I don’t even have Jenare anymore, not that I ever had him to begin with, I guess. No one else will even realize if I disappear.
It’s selfish, these thoughts, mother told me.
And then she said she trusted me.
Tonight, we’re resting in Mhaura. On our way here, she helped me gather the rest of the items they requested to get that boat pass to Aht Urhgan. We saw a ship going there earlier today; not even mother had ever been there. It’s a new place to explore. She said to keep thinking thoughts like that. She said to watch the waves. She said to calm down.
So I’m calm. I’m watching the waves. I’m thinking about Aht Urhgan, and the interesting clothes those strange men wore, and the invitation cards, and their shiny badges. I’m thinking about the Sunbreeze Festival, and Mumor, and Uka, and goldfish, and games. I’m thinking about how I don’t want to be a ghost.
I’m thinking about all the spells I’ve learned, all the strength I’ve gained. I don’t want to look at my future. It’s depressing. But I don’t want everything to be a waste. I don’t want Kii’s dream to die.
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